友情提示:如果本网页打开太慢或显示不完整,请尝试鼠标右键“刷新”本网页!阅读过程发现任何错误请告诉我们,谢谢!! 报告错误
麒麟书城 返回本书目录 我的书架 我的书签 TXT全本下载 进入书吧 加入书签

高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第6部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!



  “Speak up; John;’ said the teacher; gently。
  On the edge of tears; he mumbled his name and waited。 The principal; a woman with whitehair and an iron face; looked down at him。
  ‘You’re a very bright boy; John Grimes;’ she said。 ‘Keep up the good work。’
  Then she walked out of the room。
  That moment gave him; from that time on; if not a weapon at least a shield; he apprehendedtotally; without belief or understanding; that he had in himself a power that other people lacked;that he could use this to save himself; to raise himself; and that; perhaps; with this power he mightone day win that love which he so longed for。 This was not; in John; a faith subject to death oralteration; nor yet a hope subject to destruction; it was his identity; and part; therefore; of thatwickedness for which his father beat him and to which he clung in order to withstand his father。
  His father’s arm; rising and falling; might make him cry; and that voice might cause him totremble; yet his father could never be entirely the victor; for John cherished something that hisfather could not reach。 It was his hatred and his intelligence that he cherished; the one feeding theother。 He lived for the day when his father would be dying and he; John; would curse him on hisdeath…bed。 And this was why; though he had been born in faith and had been surrounded all his lifeby the saints and by their prayers and their rejoicing; and though the tabernacle in which theyworshipped was more pletely real to him that the several precarious homes in which he and hisfamily had lived; John’s heart was hardened against the Lord。 His father was God’s minister; theambassador of the King of Heaven; and John could not bow before the throne of grace without firstkneeling to his father。 On his refusal to do this had his life depended; and John’s secret heart hadflourished in its wickedness until the day his sin first overtook him。
  In the midst of all his wonderings he fell asleep again; and when he woke up this time and got outof bed his father had gone to the factory; where he would work for half a day。 Roy was sitting inthe kitchen; quarrelling with their mother。 The baby; Ruth; sat in her high chair banging on the traywith an oatmeal…covered spoon。 This meant that she was in a good mood; she would not spend theday howling; for reasons known only to herself; allowing no one but her mother to touch her。
  Sarah was quiet; not chattering to…day; or at any rate not yet; and stood near the stove; arms folded;staring at Roy with the flat black eyes; her father’s eyes; that made her look so old。
   Their mother; her head tied up in an old rag; sipped black coffee and watched Roy。 Thepale end…of…winter sunlight filled the room and yellowed all their faces; and John; drugged andmorbid and wondering how it was that he had slept again and had been allowed to sleep so long;saw them for a moment like figures on a screen; an effect that the yellow light intensified。 Theroom was narrow and dirty; nothing could alter its dimensions; no labor could ever make it clean。
  Dirt was in the walls and the floorboards; and triumphed beneath the sink where the cockroachesspawned; was in the fine ridges of the pots and pans; scoured daily; burnt black on the bottom;hanging above the stove; was in the wall against which they hung; and revealed itself where thepaint had cracked and leaned outents; the paper…thin undersidewebbed with black。 Dirt was in every corner; angle; crevice of the monstrous stove; and livedbehind it in delirious munion with the corrupted wall。 Dirt was in the baseboard that Johnscrubbed every Sunday; and roughened the cupboard shelves that held the cracked and gleamingdishes。 Under this dark weight the walls leaned; under it the ceiling; with a great crack likelightning in its center; sagged。 The windows gleamed like beaten gold or silver; but now John saw;in the yellow light; how fine dust veiled their doubtful glory。 Dirt crawled in the gray mop hungout of the windows to dry。 John thought with shame and horror; yet in angry hardness of heart: Hewho is filthy; let him be filthy still。 Then he looked at his mother; seeing; as though she weresomeone else; the dark; hard lines running downward from her eyes; and the deep; perpetual scowlin her forehead; and the downturned; tightened mouth; and the strong; thin; brown; and bonyhands; and the phrase turned against him like a two…edged sword; for was it not he; in his falsepride and his evil imagination; who was filthy? Through a storm of tears that did not reach hiseyes; he stared at the yellow room; and the room shifted; the light of the sun darkened; and hismother’s face changed。 He face became the face that he gave her in his dreams; the face that hadbeen hers in a photograph he had seen once; long ago; a photograph taken before he was born。 Thisface was young and proud; uplifted; with a smile that made the wide mouth beautiful and glowedin the enormous eyes。 It was the face of a girl who knew that no evikl could undo her; and whocould laugh; surely; as his mother did not laugh now。 Between the two faces there stretched adarkness and a mystery that John feared; and that sometimes caused him to hate her。
  Now she saw him and she asked; breaking off her conversation with Roy: ‘You hungry;little sleepyhead?’
  ‘Well! About time you was getting up;’ said Sarah。
  He moved to the table and sat down; feeling the most bewildering panic of his life; a needto touch things; the table and chairs and the walls of the room; to make certain that the roomexisted and that he was in the room。 He did not look at his mother; who stood up and went to thestove to heat his breakfast。 But he asked; in order to say something to her; and to hear his ownvoice:
  ‘What we got for breakfast?’
  He realized; with some shame; that he was hoping she had prepared a special breakfast forhim on his birthday。
  ‘What you think we got for breakfast?’ Roy asked scornfully。 ‘You got a special cravingfor something?’
   John looked at him。 Roy was not in a good mood。
  ‘I ain’t said nothing to you;’ he said。
  ‘Oh; I beg your pardon;’ said Roy; in the shrill; little…girl tone he knew John hated。
  ‘What’s the matter with you to…day?’ John asked; angry; and trying at the same time to lendhis voice as husky a pitch as possible。
  ‘Don’t you let Roy bother you;’ said their mother。 ‘He cross as two sticks this morning。’
  ‘Yeah;’ said John; ‘I reckon。’ He and Roy watched each other。 Then his plate was putbefore him: hominy grits and a scrap of bacon。 He wanted to cry; like a child: ‘But; Mama; it’s mybirthday!’ He kept his eyes on his plate and began to eat。
  ‘You can talk about your Daddy all you want to;’ said his mother; picking up her battlewith Roy; ‘but one thing you can’t say—you can’t say he ain’t always done his best to be a fatherto you and to see to it that you ain’t never gone hungry。’
  ‘I been hungry plenty of times;’ Roy said; proud to be able to score this point against hismother。
  ‘Wasn’t his fault; then。 Wasn’t because he wasn’t trying to feed you。 Than man shoveledsnow in zero weather when he ought’ve been in bed just to put food in your belly。’
  ‘Wasn’t just my belly;’ said Roy indignantly。 ‘He got a belly; too; I know—it’s a shame theway that man eats。 I sure ain’t asked him to shovel no snow for me。’ But he dropped his eyes;suspecting a flaw in his argument。 ‘I just don’t want him beating on me all the time;’ he said atlast。 ‘I ain’t no dog。’
  She sighed; and turned slightly away; looking out of the window。 ‘Your Daddy beats you;’
  she said; ‘because he loves you。’
  Roy laughed。 ‘That ain’t the kind of love I understand; old lady。 What you reckon he’d doif he didn’t love me?’
  ‘He’d let you go right on;’ she flashed; ‘right on down to hell where it looks like you is justdetermined to go anyhow! Right on; Mister Man; till somebody puts a knife in you; or takes youoff to jail!’
  ‘Mama;’ John asked suddenly; ‘is Daddy a good man?’
  He had not known that he was going to ask the question; and he watched in astonishment asher mouth tightened and her eyes grew dark。
  ‘
返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 0 0
未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
温馨提示: 温看小说的同时发表评论,说出自己的看法和其它小伙伴们分享也不错哦!发表书评还可以获得积分和经验奖励,认真写原创书评 被采纳为精评可以获得大量金币、积分和经验奖励哦!